| The Old Hindi movies
almost always maintained, "shaadi ke baad jab aate-dal
ka bhav pata chalega, to apne aap sab zimmedari seekh
jayegi." Roughly translated it means, "when
one gets married and learns about the cost of living,
good sense will prevail and hence will become more responsible.
"Being responsible meant that one could look
after one's family satisfactorily. For a man, it meant
working hard to provide for his wife, who in turn
would cook, clean, sew, and wash for him and bear
his kids. For a woman, it meant being a good home-maker,
who had no personal life of her own save that of tending
to her husband, in-laws and children. In those days,
perhaps, many people did find marital bliss in the
simple day-to-day gestures - a husband getting strings
of flowers for the wife to wear in her hair, a wife
cooking her husband's favourite meal or a couple sharing
the achievements of their toddler. It was the time
of arranged marriages and women were content playing
the role of a housewife.
But, are today's young couples satisfied with just
that? Women in urban areas have been exposed too much
more than their counterparts from an era gone by.
They are now moving along shoulder to shoulder with
men. They hold jobs, plan a career, and are not willing
to remain satisfied being typical housewives. Today
couples go in for "love marriages". They
fall in love, court, marry, celebrate Valentine's
Day, and gift each other on special occasions! Even
movies reflect this change.
Unlike old movies, today's movies are not happy just
showing a well-adjusted couple, which knows its responsibilities.
They depict marriages where the partners seek much
more. In fact, films like Saathiya and Chalte Chalte
show how responsibilities and weightier matters in
a marriage can cause a relationship to deteriorate.
Couples in cities like London, New York or Mumbai
feel responsibilities in a marriage need not translate
into a dull marital life, sapped of romance. This
expectation leads to conflicts between the couple.
In both the movies mentioned earlier, the wife maintains
that the husband is less loving and attentive than
he was before marriage! And that is the case with
real life wives, too. Once the couple is back from
a honeymoon and the daily grind begins, can a woman
expect to return to the life of chocolates and flowers,
candlelight dinners and long drives, and of aimless
chatter? Is today's woman really seeking romance through
these traditional gestures, alone in the hope of recapturing
the magic of the courtship days?
Getting real -Priti Lakhani, who is married for only
about a year through M.I.L MATCHMAKER, feels that
one must learn not to expect marital life to be the
same as one's courtship days. "It's just not
possible as both of us are working. But, I see romance
in my husband calling me several times during a busy
day at work. I see romance in trying to make it to
the station at the same time, so we can go back home
together." It is these little things that matter
most for married women living in a cosmopolitan society.
But, what about the gifts and the flowers - do they
not matter any more?" Sure. That's also there,
but not as much as these small gestures, I mentioned,"
says Priti "Nowadays, we don't go on a gift-giving
spree as we did when we were in college. I do not
expect him to get me roses. I expect him to be there
with me to share my troubles when I am in need. But
we do manage to squeeze in the occasional gift!
Impact of Internet can it improve marriages?
In todays modern world nothing seems
to move without Internet. At work we are bound by
computers and at home, at least in UK, every 3 homes
probably own or have access to Internet these days.
The Internet has spread its tentacles in every aspect
of life today.
So has this any affect on marital relationships?
Well apparently not -despite our lives being machine
oriented, people have taken this on with a new meaning
altogether and make it work for them.
Even after marriage, couples can still send emails
to each other. That's powerful for a marriage. In
the past, couples were forced to rely on post or spend
days at a time never sending any communication back
Granted, the sound of the voice and a hand-written
letter is much more personal, but when a phone is
not around and you need to send a note to the wife
immediately, email is right there. Even a cute, little
email just to say "I love you" seems to
do the trick to strengthen marriages and rather than
phone calls back to base, email is right there to
People have taken this so seriously that you cannot
do without the power of Internet -from searching on
almost anything, to buying over the Internet, get
your daily groceries delivered to your home as well
even take away dinners. Entertainment , music , news
, sport almost anything is accessible and perhaps
more time is now spent on the net than watching television
as a family.
Infact couples who refer the Internet as the reason
for their divorce aren't seeing the whole picture.
Just because some guy found a new love through some
dating site, doesn't mean he would not have done something
similar without the Internet. The Internet just makes
it easier and quicker as a tool to use in a modern
society where quality time is a key factor which people
do not seem to have these days.
Gradually women now seem to understand the premium
of togetherness; that in the long run it is the deeper
affection and bond that counts and the daily grind
may be bitter, sweet or even sour. But, it is up to
each couple to make good of it.